Short Jokes - David's Clean Jokes - Page 49

Short Jokes

Tough Guy Chuck Norris is so tough, he made a stick by rubbing two fires together.

Short Jokes

People who can’t distrinquish between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

Short Jokes

Im gluten intolerant. Please, dont toast me on my birthday.

Short Jokes

I bought a new blindfold, but I cant see myself wearing it.

Short Jokes

I just ordered the personal license plate with the letters BAA BAA. It should look cool on my black jeep.

Short Jokes

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner – all it was doing was gathering dust.

Short Jokes

Im skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. Thats a bit of a stretch.

Short Jokes

I had an hourglass figure, but then the sand shifted.

Short Jokes

I refused to believe the road worker was stealing from his job, but when I went to his home, all the signs were there.

Short Jokes

Went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way, and I should have left him in the garden.

Short Jokes

When my wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline, she hit the roof.

Short Jokes

You have two parts of the brain, left and right. On the left side, theres nothing right and on the right side, theres nothing left.

Short Jokes

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

Short Jokes

Did you hear about the paranoid dyslexic? He thought he was following someone.

Short Jokes

What should we call this giant advertising board? PHIL: A philboard BILL: I have a better idea

Short Jokes

I dont like people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

Short Jokes

My friend has this weird habit of walking into a party and writing his name on the wall with a marker. Thats his signature move.

Short Jokes

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

Short Jokes

I was in the grocery store, and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, Are you two an item?

Short Jokes

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

Short Jokes

You know there’s no official training for trash collectors? They just pick things up as they go along.

Short Jokes

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him “What was the name of his other leg?

Short Jokes

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen — I can feel it.

Short Jokes

“I’ll have a margarita, please.” “I’ll need to see your ID.” “Wow, you think I look like a teenager?” “No. I was going to offer you our senior citizen discount!”