Short Jokes - David's Clean Jokes - Page 50

Short Jokes

Recently, a Catholic hair stylist made news traveling around slandering the pope and Catholicism, angering many members of the faith. The pope denounced him — calling him a “hair-a-tick”

Short Jokes

Flowers bee like —

Short Jokes

What do you call a cross between a skunk, a wolverine, and a porcupine? “Sir” — from a distance.

Short Jokes

I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary, and she said “a divorce”. I said, “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”

Short Jokes

The worst part of Thanksgiving is all of the leftovers — and having to heat them up every time I want to eat — since I quit cold turkey.

Short Jokes

My girlfriend told me I need to get in shape. I told he — I am in shape!! Round is a shape!

Short Jokes

Cartoonist found dead in home — Details are sketchy.

Short Jokes

I needed a password at least eight characters long so I picked — Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Short Jokes

So I was at the bar last night, and the waitress screamed — “Anyone know CPR?!” I said, “Sure, I know the entire alphabet!” Everyone laughed…except this one guy.

Short Jokes

Why did the man quit his job at the helium gas factory? He didn’t like being spoken to in that voice

Short Jokes

Diary: June 28, 1954. “So it turns out my weakness is kryptonite. I can’t tell anybody this.” June 30, 1954. I accidentally told Lex. Should be ok.

Short Jokes

Why is it so hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They’re always taking things literally.

Short Jokes

My new thesaurus is truly awful! I honestly have no words to describe how angry I am!

Short Jokes

My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well she’s in for a shock.

Short Jokes

I asked the lady from the collection agency out on a date. She turned me down, but keeps calling. I told her I’m too old for games.

Short Jokes

My friend told me he is FINALLY going to watch the Back to the Future movieseries. “It’s about time,” I told him.

Short Jokes

What does a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.

Short Jokes

What do you call an Italian guy with one arm shorter than the other? A Speech Impediment.

Short Jokes

Lawyers have feelings too — allegedly.

Short Jokes

I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye. Turns out he was seeing chicks on the side.

Short Jokes

Half of all marriages end in divorce — the other half end in death.

Short Jokes

Little girl: “Grandma, make a noise like a frog.” Grandma: “Why?” Little girl: “Cause daddy says we’ll make a lot of money when you croak.”

Short Jokes

What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in spanish.

Short Jokes

Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor