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Short Jokes
What’s the best way to capitalize on an opportunity? ON AN OPPORTUNITY
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What’s the best way to capitalize on an opportunity? ON AN OPPORTUNITY
Short Jokes
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask “which country?”
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Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask “which country?”
Short Jokes
How many egoists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They simply hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.
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How many egoists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They simply hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.
Short Jokes
I think my professor might not know my name. He keeps on correcting it with the word “Late” on all my papers.
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I think my professor might not know my name. He keeps on correcting it with the word “Late” on all my papers.
Short Jokes
How do you know if an Italian person is mute? When you see he has no hands.
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How do you know if an Italian person is mute? When you see he has no hands.
Short Jokes
Parallel lines have so much in common, It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
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Parallel lines have so much in common, It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Short Jokes
Did some stand up comedy at a bird sanctuary, they were eating out of the palm of my hands.
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Did some stand up comedy at a bird sanctuary, they were eating out of the palm of my hands.
Short Jokes
Cop: “Can you describe the person who robbed you?” Me: “He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee”
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Cop: “Can you describe the person who robbed you?” Me: “He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee”
Short Jokes
The economy is so bad I went to buy a toaster and they gave me a bank.
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The economy is so bad I went to buy a toaster and they gave me a bank.
Short Jokes
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Short Jokes
My clients have a 86% survival rate, which makes me an above-average babysitter.
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My clients have a 86% survival rate, which makes me an above-average babysitter.
Short Jokes
I couldn’t afford to take my kids to Sea World so I took them to our local fish market, saying, “Shhhh… they’re all asleep.”
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I couldn’t afford to take my kids to Sea World so I took them to our local fish market, saying, “Shhhh… they’re all asleep.”
Short Jokes
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stays up all night wondering if dog exists.
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Did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stays up all night wondering if dog exists.
Short Jokes
Waiter is there soup on the menu? No sir I wiped it off.
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Waiter is there soup on the menu? No sir I wiped it off.
Short Jokes
[uses the restroom] Wife: make sure to put the toilet seat down Me: okay Me: [to toilet seat] you’re worthless and nobody likes you.
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[uses the restroom] Wife: make sure to put the toilet seat down Me: okay Me: [to toilet seat] you’re worthless and nobody likes you.
Short Jokes
What happens when Turkeys get the common cold? They quit smoking.
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What happens when Turkeys get the common cold? They quit smoking.
Short Jokes
My Grandfather had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
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My Grandfather had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Short Jokes
The best thing about adolescent humor is that it never gets old.
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The best thing about adolescent humor is that it never gets old.
Short Jokes
Communism jokes are not funny unless everyone gets them.
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Communism jokes are not funny unless everyone gets them.
Short Jokes
Have you heard about the sensitive burglar? He takes things personally.
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Have you heard about the sensitive burglar? He takes things personally.
Short Jokes
I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before!
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I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before!
Short Jokes
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is gettin better.
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My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is gettin better.
Short Jokes
It’s a comfort knowing Dad is looking down on me, but we should probably cut his hang-glider out of that tree one of these days.
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It’s a comfort knowing Dad is looking down on me, but we should probably cut his hang-glider out of that tree one of these days.