David's Clean Jokes

Short Jokes

I’m one of those people who thinks different races shouldn’t mix, which is why I don’t participate in triathlons.

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575

Short Jokes

Always stand up for what you believe in, unless what you believe in is sitting down.

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75

Short Jokes

Have you ever been to an Amish party? Those guys really raise the roof!

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656

Short Jokes

Grandpa looks at his grandson and says, “Go hide! Your teacher is here because you skipped school today.” The grandson says, “No, you go hide. I told her you died!”

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1212

Short Jokes

Gaining weight when you are still owing me money is a sign of disrespect

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376

Short Jokes

e=mc2 was probably just Einstein comparing himself to other rappers.

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1075

Short Jokes

When I was a little kid, I had this friend that was always counting. I wonder what he’s up to these days.

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450

Short Jokes

(Bus Drivier Interview) Applicant: Sorry I’m late! Interviewer: You’re hired!

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701

Short Jokes

I don’t have a girlfriend – I just know a few people who would get mad if I said that.

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604

Short Jokes

I think my blind girlfriend just broke up with me. She said she wanted to see other people.

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259

Short Jokes

A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work. When confronted by his boss the man explained: “You can’t park anywhere near this place!”

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241

Short Jokes

I’m so introverted I won’t even talk to myself.

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697

Short Jokes

I’m really bad at understanding some common phrases and vice versa.

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70

Short Jokes

Imagine if last names were invented now, so instead of “Smith” and “Baker,” we had “Frontenddeveloper” and “Socialmediaconsultant.”

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432

Short Jokes

Did you know that protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic!

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92

Short Jokes

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

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281

Short Jokes

Apparently Sea World’s CEO has declared an end to kissing and dancing for its performing Orcas. Now those whales will know how I felt at my high school prom.

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487

Short Jokes

I love posting spam. Although, I’ve been warned again by the Post Office not to mail pieces of meat in letters.

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1240

Short Jokes

Ever wonder about those people who spend so much money on those little bottles of Evian brand water? Try spelling Evian backwards.

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261

Short Jokes

I saw a girl texting while driving the other day, and it really ticked me off, so I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.

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80

Short Jokes

Hands down – 6:30 is my favorite time of day.

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447

Short Jokes

While climbing in the attic space to get down the kids Christmas gifts, I found a present I’d forgotten last year. Such a shame – they would have loved that

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1234

Short Jokes

By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it’s raining in Sweden. How am I supposed to know if it’s raining in Sweden?!

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612

Short Jokes

Putting the dog down today. Gonna start by telling him he has a big nose.

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292