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Puns
Great news! The police arrested the man who stole my iPad. I hope he’s going to face time.
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Great news! The police arrested the man who stole my iPad. I hope he’s going to face time.
Short Jokes
My girlfriend complains a lot that I don’t smile anymore. Well she’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.
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My girlfriend complains a lot that I don’t smile anymore. Well she’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.
Short Jokes
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
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Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Short Jokes
For those of you wondering, yes I am re-tired. I was tired yesterday and today I am tired again.
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For those of you wondering, yes I am re-tired. I was tired yesterday and today I am tired again.
Puns
My last apartment only had four-foot high ceilings. I couldn’t stand living there.
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My last apartment only had four-foot high ceilings. I couldn’t stand living there.
Short Jokes
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN…They get really upset.
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If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN…They get really upset.
Short Jokes
Young lady to minister: “We’re here to get married.” Minister: “I can’t marry you to a man who’s so obviously drunk! Besides, you’ve been here before and I told you
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Young lady to minister: “We’re here to get married.” Minister: “I can’t marry you to a man who’s so obviously drunk! Besides, you’ve been here before and I told you the same thing.” “That’s true, sir, but when he ain’t drunk, I can’t get him here!”
Short Jokes
I’m not saying I live in a rich neighborhood, but the ducks in my local park only eat freshly baked bread.
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I’m not saying I live in a rich neighborhood, but the ducks in my local park only eat freshly baked bread.
Short Jokes
A chap goes to the doctor and says “I keep seeing a werewolf, with big sharp teeth”. The doctor says, “have you seen a psychiatrist?” The man says “no, just
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A chap goes to the doctor and says “I keep seeing a werewolf, with big sharp teeth”. The doctor says, “have you seen a psychiatrist?” The man says “no, just a werewolf”.
Long Jokes
Julia tells her husband, “James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving people. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye,
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Julia tells her husband, “James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving people. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. “Now, why can’t you do that?” “Gosh,” Julia says, “Why I hardly know the girl.”
Puns
After a plane lands, a man asks the flight attendant, “Is it chilly outside?” “No sir, I’m afraid we are in Buenos Aires.”
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After a plane lands, a man asks the flight attendant, “Is it chilly outside?” “No sir, I’m afraid we are in Buenos Aires.”
Long Jokes
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley. “I was in that new restaurant across the street,” said one. “It’s so clean! The kitchen is spotless, the floors are
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Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley. “I was in that new restaurant across the street,” said one. “It’s so clean! The kitchen is spotless, the floors are gleaming white. It’s so sanitary the whole place shines.” “Please,” said the other roach, frowning. “Not while I’m eating.”
Puns
A man rushed into the doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”
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A man rushed into the doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”
Short Jokes
I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said, “Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place – “I asked, “Do
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I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said, “Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place – “I asked, “Do you like me?” She replied “No, I’m a dentist.”
Puns
Why do the best foods in life have flour? Because it makes everything doughlicious.
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Why do the best foods in life have flour? Because it makes everything doughlicious.
Puns
What type of house does a Jack-in-the-box live in? A boingalow.
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What type of house does a Jack-in-the-box live in? A boingalow.
Short Jokes
I asked the flight attendant to switch my seat as I was next to a screaming baby. Apparently you’re not allowed to do that if the baby is yours.
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I asked the flight attendant to switch my seat as I was next to a screaming baby. Apparently you’re not allowed to do that if the baby is yours.
Short Jokes
Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me? Did you steal the car?” Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think
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Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me? Did you steal the car?” Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”
Short Jokes
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
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A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
Short Jokes
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.
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What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.
Puns
I was walking through the park last night when one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another guy covered me in sulphuric acid. It was terrible – I didn’t
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I was walking through the park last night when one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another guy covered me in sulphuric acid. It was terrible – I didn’t know how to react.
Short Jokes
A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter and says to the barman, “Have you seen my brother?” The barman says, “I don’t know. What does he look
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A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter and says to the barman, “Have you seen my brother?” The barman says, “I don’t know. What does he look like.”
Short Jokes
Why didn’t the chef graduate from his culinary class? He didn’t finish the main course.
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Why didn’t the chef graduate from his culinary class? He didn’t finish the main course.
Short Jokes
The fact that no babies have been named Gary for like 30 years means that somewhere out there is the penultimate Gary and indeed, the final Gary.
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The fact that no babies have been named Gary for like 30 years means that somewhere out there is the penultimate Gary and indeed, the final Gary.